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Frankengrinder: Combining the Best Features from Every Weed Grinder to Create the Perfect Cannabis Grinder
It might seem like a fairy tale, but once we take a closer look at users’ favorite features found within the world’s most popular weed grinders, the story might start to sound familiar…
Imagine Dr. Frankenstein toiling away in his tower, fusing stainless steel into ideal fine micron mesh screens, grinding and sharpening the most efficient slicing teeth, painstakingly beveling edges and ergonomic notches, all in a mad scientist’s metallurgic attempt at crafting the best cannabis grinder the world has ever seen!
The overall concept of a cannabis grinder seems simple enough - break up the weed. But while there are a lot of cheap, mass-produced grinder clones on smokeshop shelves, the handful of top shelf herb grinder brands on the market tend to stand out from one another by mixing and matching certain features that plastic weed grinders and other cheap alternatives just don’t have.
So, let’s take a look at where Dr. Frankenstein might pull parts from in order to make one weed grinder to rule them all!
THE PERFECT CANNABIS GRINDER UNDERSTANDS ERGONOMICS
The best cannabis grinders always feel good in the hands. This comes down to a combination of things like diameter/size, balance/weight, and the overall exterior aesthetic and design and how it incorporates with a natural human grip.
Since hand sizes vary, the ideal cannabis grinder would come in a variety of sizes. It should also have some sort of knobs, notches, grooves, or other texturing to allow for a non-slip grip and easy operation even for those who may have a compromised grip strength.
Picture a Santa Cruz Shredder, and how incredibly boring and uninspired the design is. Now compare that to a Phoenician Grinder whose general aesthetic can be recognized from across a smoky room.
The notched grip on each chamber of a Phoenician Grinder not only distinguishes it, but it provides a highly useful surface to grip for hands of all sizes and strength.
THE PERFECT CANNABIS GRINDER NEEDS TO HAVE SOME TEETH
The design and placement of the teeth in your weed grinder matters. This is a feature that is overlooked by far too many brands and customers.
The perfect cannabis grinder would have a thoughtfully arranged pattern of tooth placement. Each tooth would be designed in a way to minimize contact with the plant material while maximizing the intended use of a grinder.
So many weed grinders have bulky, odd-shaped teeth haphazardly placed in the top chamber of the grinder. Some, like the Flower Mill, don’t even use teeth but instead rely on centuries old tech and just pulverize the buds placed inside.
The perfect cannabis grinder would have teeth that look and function like blades paired with large dropdown holes to prevent overgrinding. The result would be a scissored finish on your buds that is ideal for preserving trichomes and flavors.
If you already own a Phoenician Grinder and you are reading this, you probably already get that great scissor-like, fluffy finish on your grind.
THE PERFECT CANNABIS GRINDER NEEDS A HIGH QUALITY SCREEN
Seeing screens that would suffice once re-installed in the perfect cannabis grinder, Dr. Frankenstein is dismayed to discover that even some of the most popular weed grinders in the world do not have removeable mesh screens.
Besides being kind of gross, to be honest, it’s just inconvenient.
At Phoenician Grinders, every 4-piece cannabis grinder that we make and sell has a removeable screen, held in place by a simple screw and accessed with a small allen wrench. Not only that, but we offer Upgrade Kits compatible with all Small, Medium, and Large Phoenician Grinders.
In 2014 it was a bad decision to buy a weed grinder without a removable and replaceable stainless steel mesh screen. Now, in 2024, it is amazing that fixed-screen grinder brands haven’t gone extinct. Using one of those relics is like never changing your grinder’s underwear. Crusty and dusty are not the words anyone would use to describe the perfect cannabis grinder - the FrankenGrinder.
TAKE THE PERFECT CANNABIS GRINDER FOR A SPIN TODAY
Standard threads used on almost all cannabis grinders are usually the first feature to fail as they are, by design, prone to clogging, cross-threading, and completely locking up.
Banging your weed grinder on the ground, or with a hammer, or on the table, or tossing it in the freezer for a while are all common conclusions for folks who f’d up and bought a weed grinder with tight metal threads.
Nobody has time for that, or money for a new weed grinder everything a poorly machined thread fails on their current grinder.
With a useful ergonomic grip design and a patented locking notch fastening system connecting and securing each chamber, Phoenician Grinders have no threads.
That’s right! This is one of our best and most popular features, so we’re sure you’d see it used in Dr. Frankenstein’s perfect cannabis grinder.
As a matter of fact…
IT’S ALIVE! THE PERFECT CANNABIS GRINDER DOES EXIST!
Astute readers and Phoenician Grinders owners have figured out that Doc Frankenstein is too late - we are already making the perfect cannabis grinder!Any feature you find in one of our competitor’s models is a feature we already use (and likely have a patent for), or is a feature that we decided was not worthwhile (looking at you, weirdo motorized grinders).
A huge reason why you don’t see Phoenician Grinders getting knocked off with fakes, despite our market dominance and the overwhelming popularity of our designs, is because it’s not easy to make the perfect cannabis grinder!
It takes impeccable designs, flawless machine work, and ongoing innovation.
It is way easier to just bust out batches of the same ol’ shredders with trichome-obliterating tech, but if you want better than that… if you want the perfect cannabis grinder, the mad scientists at Phoenician already brought it to life.
